As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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