Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
