just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
