I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
