I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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