RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
