Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
