I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
