Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
