I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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