the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
