A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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