Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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