You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
