In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
