i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I supernannyed him into submission
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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