you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
