It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
