he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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