I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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