and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
