I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
