How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
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someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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