I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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