The brown eye won't let me do that either.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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