I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
