out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
