Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize