I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
