I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I still have a little drunk in my system
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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