we made out on top of his cat.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
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Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
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True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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