I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
