I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize