i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
