you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
