its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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