i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
