I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
