do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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