How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
