Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
