I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I currently don't understand fingers.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
