Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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