he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
