is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
