I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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