I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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