I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
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I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize