So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
