her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
