apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
