ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
