I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
