he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
